do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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