Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
