I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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