if i can run in heels then i can drive
one might say we're banned from that church
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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