I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
