Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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