I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
