I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
