I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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