There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
