Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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