is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
