You made me cry and you don't even care
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She bit a glass in half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
