PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
