my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my being single is dangerous.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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