Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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