I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
