Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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