I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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