This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
