found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
