i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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