Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
