Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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