My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
