Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
