I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
