checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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