I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
