honey bunches of taint.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
