so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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