I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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