so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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