i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
