perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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