I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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