Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
