if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We left the knife in your bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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