I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
