You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
