Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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