u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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