ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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