im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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