We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
