she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
