so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
