So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You made out with two different species that night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
