Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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