he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
