I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
