Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
