That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
