Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
