But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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