I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
