So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
