New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
