Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
